Once the word “divorce” enters the relationship there are all kinds of comments. Some common ones you will hear are: I know how you feel; I know what you are going through; It’s for the best; He wasn’t the one for you; There are plenty of fish in the sea; Learn to love yourself first…
Honestly, I got sick of hearing the comments. No two divorces are the same. And no two people going through divorce are the same. Granted, people who are divorced have insight and their own personal experiences, it’s not exactly the same. But, it does help to find people who have been through it. I joined a support group on social media about four years after my divorce. I wished I’d joined sooner.
Comments about finding someone better, or there are plenty of fish out there never made me feel better. Actually, it made me feel like a failure. Not only was I a failure at my marriage, but apparently I was a failure at picking out men. It was scary thinking about dating after divorce. I was with my ex-husband for a total of fifteen years! That was half of my life, and now I have to enter the dating world?!?
The last comment I will leave you with for today’s post is, probably the one I hear the most, learn to love yourself first. That is hard. For me, I was completely lost. I didn’t know how to love myself. I slipped into a deep depression. I also formed a case of anxiety and stress disorder. Instead, I put thoughts into my own head – “Why would anyone love me?” “Why should anyone love me?” – all negative. The best article I read focused on the comment about love yourself first, it said don’t tell people this because they then believe they are not worthy of love before they love themselves. That is true. It takes time to fall in love – whether you are falling in love with someone else, or slowing being able to love yourself. So, don’t think that you are not going to find someone just because you do not love yourself, yet. It takes time. I am four-and-a-half years post divorce, and I occasionally continue to struggle to love myself.
I leave you with another comment: Focus. Focus on you. Focus on your kids. Focus on today. Focus on the positive. Do not focus on the comments.