Despite what happened with the last guy I was seeing – he was living a double life, and was actually engaged – I continue to try online dating. Conversations are usually pretty lame. They consist of the small, awkward chat – typically every conversation begins like this:
Person: Hey *insert some pet type name* (baby, gorgeous, sexy, beautiful. I’ve even been called princess. – All of which make my skin crawl. I don’t like random strangers referring to me as sexy or baby.)
Person: Hru? / Wyd? What’s up? (My next pet peeve with online dating… the misuse of the English language. Seriously? You are a grown up, write out your words and sentences. If I am not worth the effort to write out “How are you?” then I’m probably not the person for you.)
Me: Not much./ Doing well. You?
Now, the next line really depends on the person… It could get nasty, fast or there could continue to be the small talk. That is if the conversation actually continues. Be prepared for ghosting.
Last night’s guy, in particular, the conversation continued as:
Person: What’s up? (Now keep in mind, we have already went through the “what’s up?” “not much” and he said “you’re sexy,” I followed the response with an “okay.”)
Me: What do you want? (I have been doing online dating off and on for two years. I know I come off jaded at times.)
Person: What do you mean?
Me: Is every other thing you are going to say going to be “what’s up?”
Person: Do you like younger guys? (He was ten years younger than me. Now, I know age is just a number, but it really depends on that “number” for me. I don’t want to feel like I am robbing the cradle. Maturity level plays a major factor too.)
Me: If they don’t annoy me.
Person: Do I turn you on? (Now, this is a trap. I had looked at his profile, he was a very attractive guy. But, my response could make things go south very quickly.)
Person: I’m just messing with you.
Person: Tell me about your sexy self.
Person: Hobbies and stuff.
Me: (By this time, I’m not sure why I have continued this conversation. Maybe pure curiosity. Maybe I realize I’m jaded and I shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss. So, I answer – granted, I keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Safe topics.) Music, movies, tattoos.
Person: How many tattoos do you have?
Person: I have one on my ass. (Another trap.)
About thirty minutes go by and I don’t hear any more from this guy. I figured he was working his magic on someone else.
Person: Come over and watch TV with me.
Me: (It is 10pm. He is an hour away. – I would never consider going to a random person’s house without meeting first. Forget it was late, and he is not local.) Ha.
Afterwards, the conversation fizzles out. He asks what is funny. I tell him the invitation. He asks if I would want to hang out or something. I decline.
Now, I know he did not use the phrase Netflix and Chill, but same thing. Are people so lazy that they cannot make more of an effort? And, when are booty calls considered a date?
I get Netflix and Chill offers often. I decline each and everyone of them. I usually get told that I don’t know what I’m missing out. Yeah, I do. I’m missing out on the possibility of being raped and chopped into tiny little pieces. I’m missing out on the chance of being treated like an object, and once the guy is done I get tossed aside. I’m missing out on making a mistake and not being a positive role model for my child. I’m missing out on the Russian Roulette of STD’s and pregnancy.
I know if I find someone I am truly interested in, then hanging out and staying in sounds amazing! I miss cuddling on the couch and watching a movie. I miss falling asleep in someone’s arms. Yes, I even miss being intimate.
On a positive note, during this conversation, I was having a conversation with another guy. He is also younger (only by a couple of years.) This conversation is progressing a lot better. We chatted about music mostly. He was psyched to find a chick that listens to metal. We’ll see how this conversation continues…