This lesson is an important one: learning no response is still a response.
I hear about individuals either texting their ex and not hearing back, or ex texts them and they are not sure of how to respond. I’ve had the same experiences. Also, with online dating often there are no responses.
Now, in today’s society we all have our phones for a good portion of the day. Some of us may not have our phone on and looking at it the entire day, but do check time sometime during the day. I am guilty of having my phone on silent and forgetting to check it. I am also guilty of seeing a message and not responding – whether it is because I do not want to respond or I do not know how to respond.
There are three scenarios to look at for today’s post: not getting a text back from an ex; responding to an ex; and online dating.
Not getting a text back from an ex is a tough situation. I assume if you are texting ex then you have children together. Definitely text – it’s a paper trail. It is proof that you are attempting to contact and the other parent is refusing to participate. Now, my ex is attached to his phone for a major part of the day. I know I will get a response – eventually. I do text to keep him updated on our child. Remember, your ex is an adult if they want to see the children they will respond. If they do not respond then you have their decision, sadly.
How to respond to a text from your ex. I see several examples of the ex sending a message to be spiteful. For example, they were still legally married but he was already seeing someone else. He sent a happy anniversary text to her with a hug emoji. She did not know how to respond. Don’t respond. He is trying to hurt you. He is trying to make you feel like it is your fault, or there is something wrong with you. Just do not respond. However, if you are choosing not to respond to a text from your ex about the children because you hate your ex or their partner, remember to love your children more than you hate your ex. I have seen where the ex is asking for a weekend with the children and the individual refuses to answer. I get there is hate. I get there is disgust. However, your children do not hate their parent(s). Just because the parents are divorced doesn’t need the parents divorced the children. Now, I know there are parents that walked away and never looked back – that is not situation for today’s post. Another example, I seen a message where the children were sick and the other women texted the biological mom and asked if the children needed any juice or anything. The biological mom did not want to respond. Put your feelings of anger and hurt to the side and do what is best for your children. It is not easy. I hate the thought of me being replaced as mom, not has his lover or his wife. I swallow my pride and my hurt and I tell my child and my ex to have fun during their time together. There have been texts that I read and had to walk away from because I really did not know how to respond. I had to think about what I wanted to say and what I should say. But if it is about my child, I do respond. Anything else I either don’t respond – still a response – or I reply with “Okay.”
Online dating and responding. I have been on both sides of this situation. I have had people not respond to me. It is hurtful, don’t get me wrong. If it is the first message then I brush it off. They were not the one. If they send me a message and I am not interested, occasionally I will not respond. I have tried saying “I’m not interested” and depending on the person it can get mean after that. Now, if it is someone I have been chatting with for a while and I don’t respond that is harder to brush off. It depends on how long has it been since I’ve heard from them. A couple of hours isn’t bad. Maybe their phone died. Maybe they are busy with the children. A couple of days go by, I’m pretty sure I am done. Sorry – not sorry. Don’t mean to sound harsh, but from personal experience – and yes, I am guilty of not hearing from a guy for several days and they message me, and I forgive them – but they are playing the field. They are keeping me around enough from them to contact me, if needed. If you are important to the person, they will find a few seconds in the day to message you.