I have known my ex-husband since high school. We were best friends since ninth grade. Even before we started dating everyone thought we were dating. It was an odd relationship. I could see me being with him even before we were a couple. (Funny thing is, I could only imagine being married to him into my thirties. I couldn’t see myself growing old with him – ironic? I got divorced when I was thirty.)
I lost my best friend after the divorce. It was so hard to stop wanting to tell him about my day. It was second nature telling him everything. He was one person who knew everything about me. He’d seen me at my lowest and was still there – or so I thought.
For years after the divorce, I felt so lost. I’d lost a piece of me – that trust I could give to someone else. With online dating it is hard to open up to people, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I do miss having that best friend to talk to all night and be with.
But, I don’t miss him being my best friend.
There was a time I loved hearing his voice. I loved the feel of his arms around me and my head resting against his chest listening to his heartbeat. I loved hearing his laughter. I loved listening to his same stories and jokes that I’d heard hundreds of times before.
Yesterday, he called – video chatted – our daughter on her phone. She had him on speaker before going to another room to finish the conversation. I didn’t even recognize his voice. It actually took me a couple of seconds to realize who my child was talking to.
It amazes me how far I have came since my divorce.
I still want that best friend type of relationship with the right person. I wait for that person to enter my life.