Feeling stuck.

Ever look at your life and think this is not what I pictured for myself?

Even though I could not imagine a future past the age of thirty with my ex-husband, I didn’t imagine going through life alone.

Even though I was madly in love with my ex during and after the divorce, and was still faithful to only him for two years after the divorce, I really believed the man of my dreams would walk into my life. We would be able to build a life together: live together, have kids, share adventures. I didn’t imagine five years down the road, I would still be waiting for this dream man.

I have been divorced for five years and now I’m feeling stuck. I continue to go onto the dating sites. I don’t really try. Most guys are scams or just wanting a hook up. I haven’t been on a date since April. I want to date – ideally, I want to be in a relationship – but I don’t find anyone on those sites interesting.

I think its hitting me a little harder right now because money is super tight. I am budgeting on a very small amount of money – I have maybe $100 to my name until the end of the month. I do miss the double income house lifestyle of when I was married.

My ex is about to return from his deployment. My daughter will start going back to his house, and I will sit at home alone with the dog. I am not really used to having “kid free” time; and not dating anyone, I’m not sure what to do with that time right now.

Seeing other couples also makes it hard. I saw one couple celebrating their 15 year anniversary and posting it to social media. Congratulations to them, but a comment she made on the post about ‘they were still together only because they were not quitters’ kind of stung. I am not a quitter. I am not divorced because I gave up on my marriage or gave up on this dream I had for my little family. Another post that really hit hard was a pregnancy announcement. I am happy for her. She is in her second marriage. Her child from her first marriage is a year older than mine. So, I’m hoping there is still a chance for me to have that true love, an amazing husband, more kids, a great life.

However, until then… I’m feeling stuck.


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