It has taken a few months, but I am mentally ready to try online dating again. After spending seven months falling for a serial cheater and catching him back in April of this year, I have been leery about trying to date anyone. I found myself wondering what are they lying about, what are they hiding, are they my next life lesson.
I got back online right away after the serial cheater, but I kept my walls up – thicker and higher than ever before. I told guys I was just there to chat. Chatting doesn’t leave you heartbroken and feeling like an idiot. Sadly, conversations haven’t been that great. No one lasts more than a day.
I do want a relationship.
Yesterday, I received a message from a guy. He lives about 40 minutes away – not too bad. I refuse to try to date out of state again — there is a reason they are looking out of state. The serial cheater was the perfect example – he’s fiancee lived in the same state as him. With me living in a different state there was no chance of her and I ever running into each other – I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see his reaction when I sent him a screenshot of my and her conversation of finding out we were not only seeing, but sleeping with the same person.
Yesterday’s guy did not have a profile picture. Okay, I know that is a red flag, but occasionally if you request a picture they will send one. This one refused. He said that if our conversation goes well he would think about sending a picture to me – At this point of the conversation, I’m think he is married.
I have also been called shallow because I want to see a picture. First off, I can use the picture to research this person – and I am a pretty good detective when I try. Secondly, I truly believe there needs to be some physical attraction. Online dating is like window shopping – the appearance is going to make me want to stop and look.
Okay, forget he did not have a picture and he refused to give me a picture. He asked for my phone number. I don’t hand out my number. I’ve done that and got a crazy guy that changed his number and even used other people’s phones to contact me. So, I use an app to text, video chat, and send pictures. Second red flag, this guy got mad that I refused to give my number. He said he wants to get to know a person without using an app — um, hello, welcome to online dating: the whole idea of using an app/site to get to know someone.
Finally, the dreaded question: what are you looking for on here? I answered “I am chatting until I find someone worth dating and see where it goes from there.” To me, that seemed like a logical response. Relationships have to begin as friends, which you have to chat to in order to see if you click with one another. Apparently my logic and his were complete opposites. He went off saying that he was not going to waste his time just chatting. He refused to go through hoops for some jaded chick.
Okay, later loser.
I guess I will try a different answer – I am looking for a relationship. Because that is really what I am looking for, but I don’t want to sound creepy thinking every person I chat with will lead to a relationship.
I will admit I am jaded. It happens. I have been treated like shit by one too many guys. I have been cheated on, hit, assaulted, raped, ghosted, emotionally and mentally abused, and treated like a piece of ass. Yes, I am jaded. And the man that is my “forever” better be tough as nails, because there are scars, there is a wall, there is fear. But underneath it all there is a loyal, caring soul.
So, my online dating adventure continues. I know I want a somewhat local person. Granted I live in a small town, so locals are rare – and they are not my type or complete red flags. I think they need to have a picture. And I will try telling guys that I am looking for a relationship. Let’s see how this goes.
Life After Divorce 