I’m already ready to send ex back on another deployment… I am tired of him making my daughter cry! He had her for Monday and Tuesday. I said I was getting her last night. Then she will go back to him this evening until Sunday.
Yesterday was an annual 4-H event. My daughter made a pumpkin pie for the contest. Won first place, and won five dollars. Yay!! The pie was delicious, too. She is also a member of the 4-H Teen Leaders. So, she helped lead songs and games during the day. She did a great job! I loved seeing her step up and show her leadership skills. She also hosted Minute It To Win It games. She had to explain and demonstrate each game. The kids had so much fun!! And it kept them busy and entertained with simple materials – mentos, soda, plastic cups, card-stock, m&m’s, straws, cookies. It was wonderful! My ex was there. I spoke to him twice the entire time – once I asked if he would help me carry stuff outside for our daughter’s activity (I couldn’t carry 2 liter sodas and chairs at the same time. lol); second time was to see what he thought of her games after everything was done (trying to get him involved as a parent). Other than that, he was either in the corner staring at his phone or outside on his phone – I assume with girlfriend – the entire time.
As we were leaving, (apparently before ex and I talked on Tuesday night about when I was getting my daughter, he had told her that he was going to take her to a rock climbing gym after 4-H) ex says to our daughter “I was going to go to get some hibachi, but now I get to eat some pizza.” He includes naming the restaurants. The hibachi restaurant is my daughter’s favorite restaurant! And to tease her about getting to go to the pizza place – yeah, my kid doesn’t like pizza but she likes pasta and sandwiches from that restaurant and that is the town where the rock climbing gym is. She gets in the car crying. She said that was mean of him to tease her like that about him getting to go. I completely agree! Not a way for a grown man to behave – EVER!!
I had actually planned on just going home and hanging out with my daughter at the house. Money is tight, so I wasn’t planning on spending any money. However, after ex’s childish stunt, I felt so bad for my daughter. I hate that money is so tight, but I was going to go ahead and do something fun and go ahead and spend some money. I took her to the town ex was going to – luckily we did not run into each other. But I took my daughter to the movies. This theater has a loyalty program – every time you spend a dollar you get a point; eventually you get enough points for free stuff (popcorn, soda, movie tickets). My daughter wanted to use her $5 that she won to help pay for the movie – her ticket was $6.50. I went to pay for the tickets and he told me I earned a free ticket with my loyalty card – WOOHOO!! So, we watched a movie and only paid $6.50, which having that $5 from her winnings I really only spent $1.50. Works for me!! The movie was very funny. We really enjoyed it.
Afterwards, we went to the hibachi restaurant. We shared a meal, which is more than enough food and it is cheaper buying one meal instead of two. Plus, I have leftovers for tonight when my daughter goes back to ex’s house. Win-win. Anyway, at the restaurant, there was a family – mother, daughter, father – sitting at our grill. The mother and daughter were both having a birthday – this restaurant will sing to you in Japanese and you get a free cupcake if it is your birthday. The mother asked my daughter if she would like to have her cupcake – apparently they had a lot of birthday cake at their home, so she didn’t want more sugar.
I thought our day worked out so well. I got to spend more time with my daughter – we watched a movie and really only paid a buck-fifty, she got to eat at her favorite restaurant, and she got a cupcake.
I did not get to take her to the climbing gym because they were closed after the movie was over, but really don’t think she minded too much.
During this time, my daughter texted her dad – I think she was curious if he was going to take girlfriend and her kids to the climbing gym without her. He said he was in the same town as us, but he was at the youngest kid’s dentist appointment for her braces then they were taking girlfriend’s car in for an oil change. Seriously? I am so glad I got my daughter. How boring of a day just sitting around waiting for them to finish their errands. I kind of wonder if he really was going to take her to the climbing gym or if it was just another one of her empty promises.
She also told me that she tried showing ex her cheers multiple times and he kept making excuses of why he couldn’t watch her right then.
I used to hate when my daughter would tell me about ex and girlfriend. It was like pouring salt into an open wound and then rubbing it as hard as possible. I left horrible that he chose girlfriend over me. I don’t mind my daughter telling about them now. That is part of her life. When she is not with me, that is who she is with and if she wants to tell me then I will listen.
Apparently, ex bought girlfriend a new rug, earrings, necklace, and china. He bought her kids new clothes, toys, and a Xbox. My daughter got a necklace. (Fine, it he wants to spend all of his money on them great! Don’t show my daughter how much more they got then she did).
He is now wanting to move in with girlfriend. I don’t know how that will work – they break up often. He even told my daughter after one break up that it was girlfriend’s time of the month. Really? That’s how you talk about women to your daughter?!?!
All I could really do was tell her I am sorry her dad behaves like that. I am not sorry he is her father, because he and I created her. Without him, I would not have my daughter. So, I can not apologize for him being her father. I can not change him. He obviously prefers girlfriend and her kids. I am not making excuses for him.
Then my daughter said something that surprised me. Girlfriend’s oldest is out of high school – the daughter and girlfriend do not get along. Apparently, the daughter was visiting and got into an argument with girlfriend and ended up calling her a toxic narcissist. Yes!! That is why ex and girlfriend mesh so well, they are so much alike!! That saying opposites attract, hmm. I don’t know. Ex and I are complete opposites with money, for example. I want to save it. If I spend it for something other than bills/food, I want it to be spent on family activities or my daughter. I hate having gifts bought for me. I don’t like the thought of wasting money on flowers – they will be dead in a few days; jewelry – I don’t wear any, except earrings, and I’m allergic to gold. However, girlfriend demanded ex buy her a new purse – a $200 purse – because her other one (another $200 purse he had bought her) had a scratch on the bottom of it. They can have it each other. Apparently, they deserve each other. I just hate my daughter gets stuck in that situation.
And sometimes when my daughter tells me about them, it makes me laugh. Apparently, Tuesday night ex cooked tacos at girlfriend’s house – my ex can only cook 3 meals. I do not miss having to eat his tacos, yuck. But apparently girlfriend is on another diet. They got in an argument because he added taco seasoning to her meat. She told him she could only eat 20 grams a day. I asked my daughter 20 grams of what? Surely not 20 grams of food. But I used that as a great learning moment for my daughter. I starved myself for years and tried diets. So I got to tell my daughter about the importance of eating healthy and exercising. To avoid fad diets.
Life After Divorce 