Kindness mistaken for Weakness

Ex had my daughter over the majority of the weekend. Saturday, she had a volunteer activity for a couple of hours, so I went to see her and take pictures. I visited with her. Decided to talk to ex. I talked to him about some of the things going on at girlfriend’s house. Yes, I know, I have no control over it, BUT if I can make him realize there are issues than maybe something will happen. For example, band-aids should not be stored on a high shelf above the stove. His response was that he didn’t even know where the band-aids were and if there was an emergency than our daughter could wake him and girlfriend up. I talked to him about me keeping her on Thursday nights, to make sure homework is done and she gets to bed at a decent hour. He shrugged and said whatever our daughter wants to do. I bit my tongue about the situation of our daughter almost being late to school because he has to sit around and put girlfriend’s kids on the bus while she sits in the house. Figure I’d just hold that for another day if the situation continues.

My daughter had a friend spend the weekend. Ex continued to sleep at girlfriend’s house even though there was a friend there. Apparently he did not tell the girl’s parents where they would be. Personally, I would have been angry not knowing that my daughter was at a stranger’s house and I not know about it. He also drove the girls to our hometown – a few hours away – to visit his parents. Again, really? This friend will probably never get to spend the night again with my daughter.

Anyway, I called ex on Saturday evening to ask what time he would bring our daughter home. He said the friend was staying that night also. I decided to be nice and try to let my daughter have some more fun. I gave up some of my time so she could let her friend stay longer and maybe do something fun. I told ex to have her home by 1p.m., if it looked like it would be later than to call or text me.

Sunday, 1p.m. comes and goes still no sign of my daughter. I call ex. There are out of town. Really? I ask him, didn’t I say just to call or text me if you were going to be later than 1p.m.? He said, I forgot because he is so tired. What?!? Bullshit. He’s a selfish ass. He mistakes my act of kindness for weakness. Shouldn’t do that.

I give him extra time to try to save what little of their relationship they might have. I give him extra time to try to be a good dad to his own child.

So, should I be selfish about my time? I want to do what is best for my daughter. However, each day that goes by I’m really starting to think what is best for her is to not to be around ex and girlfriend. My daughter even asked me yesterday if ex was breaking any laws by spending the night at girlfriend’s house with her there.

Sadly, no.

I had never met anyone who was divorced. I was completely clueless going into my divorce. I didn’t have anything put into our paperwork about no overnight guests of the opposite sex, or first right of refusal. I wish I could go back in time and apply what I know now.

My divorce was an example of during my kindness, I was weak. I was in love with him. I didn’t want a messy divorce. I wanted us back together. I wanted him to love me.


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