So, yesterday was my five-year-anniversary of my divorce. I was a tad emotional, but never cried.
It started out with ex texting about an hour before I was supposed to get my daughter. He asked if he could keep her longer so she could look at a house with him. I texted asking, what does she want to do. He responded, she wanted me to ask you.
That was getting me nowhere. So, I just called him.
Ex: She really wants to look at the house with me.
Me: Well, if that’s what she wants to do, then that’s fine. Where is the house? And what time will you bring her home?
Ex: The house is next door to girlfriend. It should take about thirty minutes to look at the place. I’ll bring her by at 10:30.
Me: Are you keeping our daughter in mind? What happens if you buy this house and you and girlfriend break up? What will that do to our daughter – having that drama of living next to an ex?
Ex: **silence**
Me: Fine. Have her home by 10:30.
My daughter get homes and she is emotional.
Me: How was the house?
Her: I didn’t get to see it.
Me: What?!?
Her: The person never showed up. So, dad said he would look at it without me.
Me: I’m sorry. I know you wanted to see the house too.
Her: No, I didn’t. I don’t want that house.
Me: Did you tell him that?
Her: Yes, he said he was only buying the place for the land not for the house. We are just going to live with girlfriend.
She started to cry.
Me: What’s wrong?
Her: I don’t even get my own room! I want my own room to decorate.
Me: Tell them that. They have that spare bedroom. (the oldest child moved out to live with another family member because the child and girlfriend fight like cats and dogs.)
Her: It is youngest child’s closet.
At this point, I don’t know what to say to my daughter. She wants to be excepted by ex and girlfriend. Do I talk to ex about this?I change the subject for now.
Me: What do you want to do today?
Her: I have a lot of homework, but I want to do something fun. I didn’t get to have any fun this weekend. (Ex watched the football game, and my daughter cleaned his house.)
Me: What homework do you have?
She begins listing… and listing… and listing…
Me: Why didn’t you do some homework while at girlfriend’s house so you didn’t have so much today?
She starts crying again.
Her: I can’t do homework there!! It’s too loud and I can’t concentrate! There’s birds, dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs, they’re watching TV and YouTube. I don’t have my own room for me to work in and be alone.
Me: Okay. Get started. If you need help, let me know.
We worked on homework for almost five hours. We had to take a break, so we went out to eat. Got her mind off of everything. It was wonderful just sitting there chatting with her and laughing. I’d also forgot – for the moment – the frustration I felt at ex.
At the end of the day, I asked her if she had a fun day even though she had so much homework. She said yes, and even thanked me for taking her out to eat.
I wish five years ago, I’d researched and had a plan about my divorce. I was a mess. My lawyer was an ass. I was in love with ex. I really didn’t think we would ever be apart.
I’m glad I’m not with him anymore. I’m annoyed that I’m still single and struggling with money. And having to deal with the emotional drama he is causing my daughter. While he gets to play super dad to her kids, house husband to her, and have more than enough money.
Let’s hope next year will be less stressful.
Life After Divorce 