Ready for the Dreams to Stop

I do acknowledge that my ex is emotionally abusive. I acknowledge that I do not love him anymore. I acknowledge that I am still bitter that I wasn’t good enough to keep our family together. I acknowledge that I know ex and I being together was toxic and not meant to be. However, occasionally, I still dream about him. Usually the dreams are toxic. I’ve dreamed he has killed me, hit me, raped me. I’ve dreamed he used me and left me over and over. Last night, I dreamed he made a move and started kissing me. Honestly, I can’t remember if I resisted or not.

I woke up feeling confused and depressed.

I know I miss being in a relationship. I miss the touch of another person. I miss sex. I’m sure that is what brought on the dream.

I’m pretty sure my brain uses ex in my dreams because he is so familiar – 15 years together. Who else would my brain use… the guy I knew for two weeks? What about the serial cheater?




2 thoughts on “Ready for the Dreams to Stop

  1. I’ve been following along with you for a while now, and I just want to say about this post, that it wasn’t about you “being good enough to keep your family together”. You could’ve been the best ever, but if it’s not the right partnership, then it’s not the right partnership and that’s okay. Give yourself a hug, be kind to yourself every day. šŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

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