Thinking

I started this blog back during the summer of this year. It was a way for me to continue healing. It was a chance for me to get my thoughts, feelings, concerns somewhere – outside of my own head. When I was married – I was married to my best friend – I had someone, I thought, to talk to.

Now, I do have a very close friend – but even this friend does not know everything about me. This friend does not understand anxiety or depression – so I do not mention it. Of course I can not talk to my kid about adult things. Nor is my family really an option…. So, here I am.

Most of the posts are exactly that – a chance to get thoughts out of my head. Thanks to anxiety and depression I keep these thoughts in my head. They eat away at me. They make me relive every choice I have ever made. They make me question my strength and my desire to keep going.

So, today’s thoughts are … **drum roll** about sex.

Sorry. It has been six months. (Yes, I’ve gone much longer – 18 months – without. But come on! I get tired of the dry spells. haha)

I started chatting with that younger guy yesterday. We exchanged numbers. We texted off and on all day yesterday. He is looking for a good woman who could be a good friend (aka fwb) and see if it could lead to more. I told him that my goal was a relationship.

I’m kind of interested in the idea (I’m an adult. Don’t I deserve to have some fun?) Not a clue how fwb actually works though… (I know what it is, but I mean the details of it all)

I don’t want to jump the gun though. I don’t want to be a one night stand. I want to be comfortable with whomever I sleep with.

I guess I will continue to chat, see how conversation flows. I want to meet before sex – of course – to see if there would be chemistry.

But in reality, I might just be missing sex and reading way too much into the situation.

 

 

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