Who was better?

I seen a post today asking: Who is better in bed, ex or current lover?

I skimmed through the comments – of course, pretty much every comment said current lover was better.

My ex was my first – and for the longest time, up until two years ago – he was my only. I had nothing to compare to. What I knew about sex was what I had learned from either ex, TV, or high school guys.

At the time, I thought the sex was great – most days. I’m the type I would have sex daily. But I think I was blinded by love. I think I was so determined to keep my marriage together that I lied to myself about how “good” the sex actually was.

I look back now, and realize that it really wasn’t that great… I did not finish most of the time. I did not voice what I liked or didn’t like. When I did speak up it was dismissed or completely ignored. I hated giving my ex oral because he made me feel cheap and dirty doing it. But I forced myself to do it because I feared if I didn’t then he would find someone that would.

I did not really know what I liked – I had an idea of what I wanted to try to see if I would like or not. I did not have a chance to figure out completely – and most things, I still have not be given the chance. I am definitely more adventurous in bed than ex (actually that all three guys). But I was so scared of being judged for my likes that I kept quiet with each one (now, the serial cheater I was more vocal because I felt more comfortable, I suppose).

Even things like kissing, oral, foreplay, I find were lacking with ex.

The second guy I was with, eh, the sex was worse than ex. His foreplay was horrible. Kissing was only fun because he had a tongue ring. He liked it rough – I ended up having bruises and bite marks for almost a week. The roughness really didn’t bother me – the bruises as a result were not cool though.

The serial cheater – obviously – he was pretty good (I’m sure being a serial cheater, he’d had plenty of experience). BUT he vocalized and complimented. I felt like I was doing great. He told me I was a “rock star” with oral. (I’d never been told anything like that before). He made other comments – along the lines of me being “a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets.” So far, he has been the “best.”

I find myself wondering if he was really that “good” or if 1. he was best by comparison or 2. he made me feel like I was amazing so I enjoyed it that much more. Maybe he was just saying that because that’s what I needed to hear. Honestly, I don’t care. I loved hearing it and I loved being with him.

Then I start wondering… What if ex – who I was madly in love with, once upon a time – had made me feel like I was a rock star in bed, if I would be answering that he was the best.

Or, what if the next guy – let’s pretend I fall in love and we have a relationship – what if I don’t see him as the “best,” what effect will that have on a relationship… Thinking that he is not the best… That would probably effect him and me. Or, would love once again be blinding? Will current lover always be the “best?”

I know, I know… there is more to a relationship than just sex. But come on, sex is part of a relationship too.


2 thoughts on “Who was better?

    1. Thank you. And true… how will we ever know? And will we ever know?
      I really debated on posting this one. 1. due to the topic 2. due to my preferences 3. risk providing too many details. But glad someone did find it interesting.

      Liked by 1 person

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