I seen a post today asking: Who is better in bed, ex or current lover?
I skimmed through the comments – of course, pretty much every comment said current lover was better.
My ex was my first – and for the longest time, up until two years ago – he was my only. I had nothing to compare to. What I knew about sex was what I had learned from either ex, TV, or high school guys.
At the time, I thought the sex was great – most days. I’m the type I would have sex daily. But I think I was blinded by love. I think I was so determined to keep my marriage together that I lied to myself about how “good” the sex actually was.
I look back now, and realize that it really wasn’t that great… I did not finish most of the time. I did not voice what I liked or didn’t like. When I did speak up it was dismissed or completely ignored. I hated giving my ex oral because he made me feel cheap and dirty doing it. But I forced myself to do it because I feared if I didn’t then he would find someone that would.
I did not really know what I liked – I had an idea of what I wanted to try to see if I would like or not. I did not have a chance to figure out completely – and most things, I still have not be given the chance. I am definitely more adventurous in bed than ex (actually that all three guys). But I was so scared of being judged for my likes that I kept quiet with each one (now, the serial cheater I was more vocal because I felt more comfortable, I suppose).
Even things like kissing, oral, foreplay, I find were lacking with ex.
The second guy I was with, eh, the sex was worse than ex. His foreplay was horrible. Kissing was only fun because he had a tongue ring. He liked it rough – I ended up having bruises and bite marks for almost a week. The roughness really didn’t bother me – the bruises as a result were not cool though.
The serial cheater – obviously – he was pretty good (I’m sure being a serial cheater, he’d had plenty of experience). BUT he vocalized and complimented. I felt like I was doing great. He told me I was a “rock star” with oral. (I’d never been told anything like that before). He made other comments – along the lines of me being “a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets.” So far, he has been the “best.”
I find myself wondering if he was really that “good” or if 1. he was best by comparison or 2. he made me feel like I was amazing so I enjoyed it that much more. Maybe he was just saying that because that’s what I needed to hear. Honestly, I don’t care. I loved hearing it and I loved being with him.
Then I start wondering… What if ex – who I was madly in love with, once upon a time – had made me feel like I was a rock star in bed, if I would be answering that he was the best.
Or, what if the next guy – let’s pretend I fall in love and we have a relationship – what if I don’t see him as the “best,” what effect will that have on a relationship… Thinking that he is not the best… That would probably effect him and me. Or, would love once again be blinding? Will current lover always be the “best?”
I know, I know… there is more to a relationship than just sex. But come on, sex is part of a relationship too.