A different mood than yesterday’s post.

First, I had a dream about ex. I hate dreaming about him. Usually the dreams are sexual. Thankfully, this one was not. Instead, this dream we fought the entire time. We fought in a store. Then I went to help him paint “his” house – except it wasn’t his house, it was the house I grew up in. We fought while painting the house. We fought over the color of the paint, which was brown and a very bright blue (yes, I’m one of those that does dream in colors). We fought about my name.


Legally, I still have ex’s last name. After the divorce, I tried to change back to my maiden name. I was told I did not have enough proof to do so. I have dealt with it. Oh well. I have the same last name as my daughter. If and when I get married again, I can change my name then.

If the dream, ex told me I did not deserve to have his last name.

I’m not sure what the dream means.


Online dating.

I hate online dating! It is so much like window shopping. I hate shopping. period.

It always sounds more fun than it really is. Can’t find anything in my size. Then get even more depressed because things do not fit. Everything is so expensive.

Yeah, online dating is the same way. Dating sounds so wonderful. Trying to find a relationship sounds wonderful. You scroll through all of these pictures. Find yourself looking for red flags. Wondering who is really single and who is a lying piece of shit. You find one that you think is attractive and so you message them. Then you get depressed because you get rejected.

So, yesterday…

I sent one message – again, I don’t like messaging first. Not a clue what I should say – but this guy reads my message, checks out my profile and then noting. Rejection.

Another guy messaged me. This one was an African American. Look I’m not opposed to dating black men I just never have before. This guy was attractive. He messaged me and asked if I dated black men. Told him I never had, but was not opposed to the idea. Next message he sent: You want to be mines.

Umm, no.

Had a zombie reappear. I will have to block him.

And, I messaged two other guys. Both had attractive pictures. Both are still in their twenties. Both messaged me back. Wow.

I don’t expect chatting with either of them to last too long. But, I am trying.

My daughter joked with me last night and told me my life was like a Hallmark Channel movie. Uh, no it’s not. If it was I would have a man in my life and everything would be picture perfect.

I’m not sure what my daughter sees to think my life is like a Hallmark Channel movie though.


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