Sleeping in an Empty Bed

Growing up, my youngest sibling was born when I was fourteen. Everyone thought the baby was mine. So, for a few years I did share a bed with my youngest sibling. When I went to college, I got accustomed to sharing a room with a stranger. When I moved in with ex, we had a two bedroom apartment. Of course, we shared a bed though. Ex worked nights, so I adjusted the best I could to staying up at night and sleeping during the day. Over the years, he switched to day shift so I also adjusted.

What is funny is… I’m an insanely light sleeper. Any little noise or movement wakes me up. Sharing a bed with ex was rough because he was a sound sleeper. Then, yesterday I seen a post from a woman asking if anyone’s husbands make sex noises in their sleep, and sound she be worried. Hmm, ex would make sex noises. He would make sexual movements. Hell, he would mount me in the middle of the night – still asleep. There were times I would take sleeping pills to try to get a full night’s sleep, and he would still wake me up for sex. He would cuss me out in his sleep. I remember getting elbowed to the face a couple of times.

Sharing a bed wasn’t fun.

Fast forward to being divorced and finished with ex. It took some adjusting to sleeping in a bed and a room alone. I did sleep – no sex, just actually sleep – with someone three years ago. I couldn’t really sleep the entire weekend. I found myself forcing myself to stay awake until he fell asleep. I also woke up before he did.

So, as much as I talk about wanting a relationship. I find myself wondering if I really do. I mean, going back to sharing a bed. Not sleeping well. What if the new guy is like ex?

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