Drama and Guilt

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Mom called me yesterday. I was in the middle of cleaning my kitchen. Had my music on full blast. I was singing and dancing while getting my housework done. I felt so guilty that I was singing and be-bopping around. I felt like I should have been mourning. Sitting in the living room and crying.

I answered the phone. She was upset. But it was a different sounding upset then her crying over dad. She started the conversation, “I was just letting you know before someone else gets a chance to tell you…”

I sit down. This can not be good news.

She continues by saying Middle Child…

In that split second my mind races. I really was preparing myself for her to tell me that middle child had completed suicide. He has threatened suicide a lot in the past. I don’t know if he really means it, or if it is just for attention.

No, middle child is still alive. He has been arrested.

What happened?

He was driving under the influence.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? He is doing the same thing that led to us losing dad?!?

Apparently, middle child had hit something with the car. The police said the side was pretty banged up. He had his child in the car with him. Neither of then were wearing a seat belt.

Mom said she wasn’t going to bail him out. I told her that was a great idea.

Middle child always gets bailed out. This is his second DUI/DWI (honestly, I’m not sure which they gave him) in less than a month! He totals vehicles like it is nothing, and then someone helps him out to get another vehicle.

Grandpa wanted to bail middle child out. Mom told him no. Grandpa did not listen. Middle child was bailed out last night.

I’m angry on so many levels. How can middle child be so selfish? What would happen if he killed someone? How would he feel if he destroyed another family’s life? Does he even care what he is doing to our family? Why can’t I get help? I mean if grandpa is going to bail middle child out, why not give the same amount of money to me and the youngest child? Wouldn’t that be fair? Why does negative behavior get rewarded?

 

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