The Police Report

Mom called last night. She got the first police report. Apparently they are still working the scene. It was hard listening to all the information. The police report was almost twenty pages. The hardest was the schedule of events. It said dad did serve to the side of the road to avoid the driver. Yet, he still got hit head on. I have been wondering if dad seen it coming. Did he try to get out of the way? Did he have think to react? I have been torturing myself with all these questions. I’ve started to dream about cars – not quite dad’s accident, but issues with cars. One I remember was my car completely stalling out in the middle of the road. I remember telling my daughter to grab the phone to call 911 and to get out of the car and away from the road.

Another hard part to hear from the police report was the guy’s, who killed dad, statement: I don’t remember what happen. Next question.

Are you kidding me?

We are all still in shock. It still doesn’t seem real. Mom has started calming herself with a drink at night and not eating during the day. Middle child is popping pills. I’m eating too much and sleeping too little. Youngest child seems to be handling it the best.

I’m trying to tell myself this is how it is supposed to be. My family is going to fight. Dad is watching over us. He had back problems – his spine was shaped like a S – so he was going to a pain specialist. So, now dad is not in pain anymore.

Doesn’t really help. I still want him here.

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