Thank You

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I have reached 100 followers on this blog. Thank you each of you for taking the time to like, follow, and comment on this blog and my posts.

I’d wanted to start a blog several years ago and I always talked myself out of it. I started this one last summer – 2018 – because I really needed somewhere to express myself without judgement.

As I started writing and continuing to have life experiences – i.e. online dating adventures – I seen an opportunity for others to learn from my mistakes. I know what it is like to feel lost and depressed. I also know what it is like to just want to be acknowledged by another person and that is not always the best frame of mind for online dating.

Over the past months I have had my highs and lows. My daughter is always a high point. Some lows include drama with ex-husband and the death of my dad.

I know dad’s death has seriously taken its’ toll on me – mentally and physically. I know I lost a lot of people in my life after that because death makes people nervous – and sad to say, stupid. People say stupid things. People say hurtful things. I know I still get the looks from people – you know, the look like I’m broken or some charity case. Look, everything I have been through during my life I’m not broken! I have been damaged, but I have not broke. Even though some days I wonder how much I can take before I do break.

I was thinking about that this morning, actually. My alarm went off at 3am. I wanted to say fuck it! I wanted to stay in bed. I am working all three jobs today. I want to fast forward through the day until I can crawl back into bed. Then tomorrow is another day that I start at 3 am and I am completely busy until about 8pm. I found myself wondering if anyone even gave a shit. Does anyone care I’m exhausted? Does anyone care that I want to disappear? My jobs don’t care. As long as I do my job and make them money. My family doesn’t care – we are all dealing with our grief and life. Like I said, people avoid me now – so friends don’t care. I’m not dating – but I am chatting with someone. Probably will chase him off before the weekend is over – haha. My daughter cares, but it is not her job to worry about me.

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