A update from yesterday’s doctor’s appointment:
I am officially diagnosed with depression, along with my stress and anxiety disorder. He started me on some medication.
As I was driving to the doctor’s office yesterday, I felt my anxiety increase. I walked into the office about ready to have a panic attack.
The nurse was awesome. Usually I feel like the nurses don’t care for the people. They are so cold. They do this whirlwind of vital checks on you and leave you feeling like “what the hell just happened” as they scurry out the door. This nurse was different. She actually didn’t say most of my vitals out loud – which was odd – but then she actually sat down and chatted with me. Not about my health or the reason I was there. Actually about 4-H.
After she left, I felt a mix of emotions. I felt more at ease when she was in the room, but as I sat in the room waiting for the doctor I felt my anxiety more and more. It seemed like it took forever for the doctor to come – think it was about twenty minutes. There was one point where I was asking myself why was I there? I wanted to leave. I wanted to run away.
I didn’t leave. I stayed and waited for the doctor.
Typically, the doctor comes in alone and checks you out. Talks with you.
This time, the doctor is followed by another man. The man is carrying a laptop. I start to panic again.
The doctor asks “so, what’s going on?”
I said “my dad was killed seven weeks ago.”
Hearing that sentence out loud brought back so many emotions. I started crying immediately. I continue my sentence by saying “and I’m not handling his death very well.”
The doctor asked what happened.
The man is typing everything on his laptop. My doctor actually removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes at one point during my story of how my dad was killed.
Then my doctor started asking about my sleeping, eating, functioning.
I was able to stop crying and answer the questions. I watched that man continue typing on his laptop. I felt like I was on display. I wanted to make it very clear that I was still taking care of my daughter. I am a good mom. My biggest fear is losing her.
The doctor asked if I wanted his office to find me some counseling. I replied with I don’t know. I can’t afford anything like that.
So, he put me on some medication. I have to go back in three weeks for a follow up. Don’t know what to really expect at the follow up though. I know he will ask about my sleeping, eating, functioning while on the medication. I’m sure he will ask about counseling again. Will that other man and his laptop be making an appearance, too?
Ex had my daughter. I’d told him I had a doctor’s appointment, so he could bring her to me after my appointment. When I told ex that I had an appointment he didn’t ask any questions. Yesterday, he asked if the appointment went okay. I’m sure he could tell I’d been crying. I said “no.” He asked what did the doctor say. I went ahead and told him “depression” and that I was given medication. He said he was sorry.
I took the first dose last night. One side effect is drowsiness. I definitely noticed that. At night, I usually get a burst of energy. I then lay in bed for hours before I go to sleep. I think I was asleep less than an hour – might have been much quicker than that even.
Life After Divorce 