I know I’ve been silent here lately. Life is challenging. Every Friday, I relive getting the call telling my dad is gone forever. Everyday I try to balance work, my daughter, her activities, my own mental health. I have started chatting with someone online again. I don’t expect anything from it, but the point is I am moving forward. I am trying.
The past weekend was very difficult.
First, my computer crashed. Two of my jobs require a working computer. So, I had to go and buy a new computer. Talk about stress. Spending that much and deciding which bills could wait.
Second, a very difficult thing, I changed my social media profile picture. Since my dad’s death, my profile picture has been the last picture of us together. He has been gone for three-and-a-half months. I changed my picture. I still cry thinking about it all. I don’t want to seem like I am forgetting him. I’m not. He crosses my mind hundreds of times a day. I don’t want to be stuck in the past either. My dad loved life. He would want me to love life, too. He would want me to keep moving forward.
Third, dealing with my ex. Sundays are my days with my daughter. They are typically the one day where we are not running from one activity or job. We can relax. We can enjoy spending time together. Well, softball is starting up. Ex asked if he could keep her a little longer on Sunday to take her to the sports store to buy her some gear. I of course said no problem. I mean, she needed equipment. She has outgrown her helmet and cleats. Her facemask got busted last semester when she got hit in the face. Plus, she needed to be there to pick out her equipment. He brings her home with new equipment. Six hours later, ex shows back up at my door wanting her back. Saying she asked him if she could spend the night. I wanted to scream. I seriously wanted to punch him. I fought back anger and tears. I knew he was lying to me. I went ahead and let him take her for the night. I told him not to pull that on me again. I try to do what is best for my daughter. Of course, I would love to have her 24/7.