The past few posts of mine have focused on online dating. I was reflecting on how much I’ve changed and how much knowledge/experience I’ve gained over the years through online dating.
I’m the type of person that gives second chances – hell, I give third, fourth, fifth chances (just read any post about my marriage and divorce). I was doing the same thing with online dating. I was ignoring the red flags – if I even knew what would be considered a red flag.
Do not ignore the red flags. Trust me. If you do, you will just get played and hurt – I know from personal experience. If I’d just took notice to the red flags the serial cheater was throwing out then I wouldn’t have slept with an engaged guy.
The guy I went on the date with this past weekend – his red flag was talking about still having feelings for his ex. He also talked about being interested in another chick just for some “fun.” You do not want to get trapped with someone that is not over their ex. They have not worked through their demons and it is just going to be toxic for you. Plus, I’m wanting a relationship. I don’t want to be someone’s booty call. Plus, he also told me he was not a patient person. Next…
I was talking to another – the very talkative guy. Well, comes in RED FLAG… He asked a very dangerous question. How many guys am I currently chatting with? I know what you are thinking, isn’t that a safe and typical question? No. It is a red flag for one of two things. 1. Very insecure. I know because in the past – when I first starting online dating – I wanted to know how many chicks they were chatting with and dating. I was so insecure that I could not handle competition. 2. Control issues. Look, when you are chatting – or even just dating – you are allowed to chat/date with as many people as you want (just don’t confuse them with each other – I have chatted/dated with up to nine different guys at one time. That does get to be a little too much for me.). But you are not in a relationship with any of these people, so chat and date. It is none of their business – in my opinion. I went ahead and told him just him – which actually was the truth. But, honestly, it was not his business. You know he is chatting with others. I didn’t ask. Honestly, I didn’t care. Next…
Had another guy message me. His red flag showed up very quickly. One of his first questions was “do you live alone?” Hate that question! 1. They are looking for a way/place to have sex. 2. I always remember the story I read about the woman that got beaten for four hours. (Don’t know if anyone else seen the story. BUT, this woman met someone online. They chatted for SEVERAL months before meeting in person. She invited him to her place. They had sex and then fell asleep. She woke up to this guy punching her in the face. He beat her for four hours before her screaming got a neighbors attention.) So, I hate that question because you do not want to give these random men the chance to know where you live and that you are alone.
Now, I know I am jaded. I am not denying that fact at all. I’ve also learned my lessons and I refuse to repeat those mistakes. So, I guess I am back to square one. I am currently not chatting with anyone. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.