There for a little while, I felt like I was moving forward. Felt like the medication was working. Then… Father’s Day reminders…
I feel like I am stuck on auto pilot. I get up. Go to work. Take care of my daughter. Take her to whatever activity she has. Go to bed.
I don’t sleep well. When I do sleep, I dream about Dad. When I’m trying to fall asleep, my mind will not stop. At work, I am able to get through the day. I find the energy to survive. But, then it is like I am so emotionally, mentally, and physically drained that I just want to go to sleep.
However, there is a positive to the auto pilot stage of my life. I am not desperate with dating. Actually, most days I forget to go online to check if I have any messages. I seem to be more alert to red flags. I don’t bother with “well, maybe he could be worth my time.” Nope. For example, I had one message me every morning: Good morning. Then at night: How was your day. After a couple of days of that, he asked for my number because he loved talking to me so much. Um, what? There was no conversation. The small talk was torture! Had one message me today. Told me his favorite band would either be Brooks and Dunn or Metallica. I am thinking that is a crazy range. I was going to reply back, but then I checked out his profile. Under relationship: living together. Why the hell would I want to put myself in that type of situation?