Overdose

So, life has had its ups and downs since my last post.

Tomorrow will be nine months since my dad was killed. It still doesn’t seem real. I still have dreams about my dad. In my dreams, he is alive. I wake up feeling so disappointed when I realize he is gone. That I will never get to see him or speak with him again.

My mom tells me about guys that ask her out on dates. She talks about one guy that she is interested in. I keep my feelings to myself. I get she is lonely. BUT it has only been nine months.

My brother overdosed yesterday. Mom found him and called 911. Currently, he is in ICU. If she had been 20-30 minutes later finding him, he would be dead now. It took six doses of Narcan to bring him around enough for him to be able to talk. I really don’t know anything else.

My ex went to a different state for a deployment last week. He did not tell me that he was getting deployed! He claims he told me. I’m sorry, but that is something I WOULD remember!! I told him that he did not tell me about this deployment. HOWEVER, he told me about a deployment for next year. So, we were texting back and forth about this. THEN he sends me a text that he was never going on the deployment next year. That he was just telling me about that deployment because the other guys at his base are going on it. Why would I care about the rest of his base?!? Well, the other night, he called our daughter. She got tired of holding her phone so she put it on speaker and laid it down. She asked him when he was getting back from this deployment. Then she asked him when he was going on that deployment next year – the one he told me he was never going on – he gave her dates and a time frame!!

Dating has been a joke. I have tried talking to a few guys. Local guys just want sex. I don’t want to just be used for sex. I WANT A RELATIONSHIP. So, I guess I will continue to wait around.

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