Teddy Bear

I have always been a daddy’s girl. After dad was killed, I asked mom for some of his stuff. I got a single hat. I have hoped she would eventually give me more as time passed – hasn’t happened yet.

The other day I seen a post from mom that made me feel such a mix of emotions…

She posted a picture of a teddy bear she had made from one of dad’s shirts. It was one of his favorite shirts. I had bought him that shirt many years ago for father’s day. I have several pictures of us together – or just him – wearing that shirt. I had hoped to get that shirt one of these days to keep.

When I seen the teddy bear I was angry, sick, hurt…

I felt like a lot of the fabric was missing – wasted – why not make a bigger bear or multiple bears to use more of the shirt. That is one shirt I always seen dad wearing, and now it is gone.

Are my feelings justified? I honestly don’t know. It sounds stupid, petty, and selfish of me. But that is how I feel. There were maybe four shirts I really remembering seeing dad in – since I lived a few hours away, I didn’t see him often. One is now a teddy bear. One he was buried in.

I actually haven’t even talked to mom in a week – not since she called me bitching about tagging dad in spam (which it wasn’t me doing it – damn hackers).



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