I’m Back

First time I have logged in since April. Wow! It have been a crazy past four months. I have spent my time trying to survive. Thanks to COVID a couple of my jobs were put on hold for awhile. Actually, they haven’t even started back up yet. So, luckily, I still have the one job – ironically my newest job – has been very steady during everything. Thankfully. Means I am still able to buy food and pay my bills. We have tried to stay home and stay safe. My daughter told me I was a horrible mom because I would not let her do anything over the summer. I will gladly take her being pissed off at me if that means she is safe.

As things have started slowly opening back up I have eased up a little on her too. For example, she has stayed with a friend. I know the family and know they have be fairly cautious.

I also found a gym for my daughter to attend to continue to practice cheer and tumbling. This gym goes over the top with safety, so I feel confident sending her. Despite COVID, the gym has been amazing for my daughter. Over the summer, she actually did a back walkover and a back handspring. I’m excited to see what else she is going to be able to conquer with these coaches. They wanted her to do competitive cheer with them, but she made the school cheer squad this year and the coach said anyone that does competitive cheer while on her squad would be kicked off – which would make them unable to try out for cheer next year too. So, I told my daughter next year she can do competitive cheer and school cheer (she’ll be with a different coach. Also, it is not a rule with the organiaztion that girls cannot do both.)

I managed to get her to stay focused on her distance learning school work for the remainder of last year. This year I opted for on site learning. I know that is the best choice for my daughter. I hope people stay safe. Not a clue how long school will stay open. However, she is taking four AP classes and a foreign language class — she needs to be in school to help with learning. Plus, I have started seeing signs of depression in her as the months have gone on. I know it is from not getting to be a teenager and get out.

I started trying to learn a new language. Found an app to use. I have been practicing German and Spanish. Is it working? Eh. I feel like I can read and listen, but not sure if I can converse with others yet.

I am still single. I haven’t tried to date during all of this. I may chat with someone for a day or so, but that’s about it. I’m currently chatting with someone. Really don’t see it going anywhere. Actually, I figure it will die down in the next day or so. Conversation is slow and almost forced. I refuse to be the one keeping the conversation alive. I have stopped chasing. I had one ghost me and then reappear a month later wanting to meet up. Ha, not happening!

Tomorrow is going to be a challenge. My grandfather died a few weeks ago. We knew it was coming. He had stage 4 cancer. It was getting really bad. The funeral is finally tomorrow. We had to wait for several weeks because multiple people tested positive and where in quarantine. Tomorrow will be the first time I’ve been in my hometown since Christmas. It will be the first funeral I’ve been to since my dad’s. We have COVID to worry about; so there’s that added stress. And the thought that everyone on my dad’s side of the family is gone now. He will be buried next to dad so at least I will get to visit dad’s grave while I’m done. But this will not be a visit where we can sit and visit. It is going to be interesting. Hope I am making the right choice of taking my daughter and myself there. She handled me telling her about grandpa’s death fairly well. She cried for a minute. She’s talked about him over the past few weeks. Not sure how she will handle tomorrow. I have been fairly numb. Not really because of his passing. Like I said, we knew it was coming, but still doesn’t make it easier. But flashbacks of my dad’s death and funeral hit me over and over.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s