Online Dating Makes You Less Empathetic

Hope everyone survived Valentine’s Day. Mine was just another day. I gave my daughter a gift. I avoided social media for the most part – get so tired of seeing everyone post flowers, candy, gifts, rings. Had parent-teacher conferences, ex came, but my daughter has straight A’s. I’m so proud of her. She is absolutely amazing!

So, back to my original point – Online dating makes you less empathetic. Agree? Disagree?

With yesterday being Valentine’s Day, the news had a story about how to avoid scams with online dating. This one victim gave her suitor over $50,000. She said she was a caring person. She wanted to help.

I remember when I first joined the world of online dating. I wanted to be empathetic to everyone. I gave second chances when guys stood me up on dates. I was caring.

I was stupid.

Almost four years experience with online dating I have found myself to be less empathetic towards these guys.

For example, I had on message me that he was going through “a very, very sad time” because he just lost his girlfriend of three years. Now, if a friend was going through a sad time I would ask them to talk to me – lost because of a break-up? lost due to death?

This guy? Hell no. *BLOCK* Red flags screamed at me.

First scenario, let’s say the girlfriend died. That is a common scam. Usually the wife/girlfriend dies in a car wreck. Let’s pretend she really did die and it was not a scam. Hell, I’m still working through my dad’s death (car wreck ironically enough) why would I torture myself right now to try to “fix” a guy.

Second scenario, he lost her due to a break-up. No thanks! If you are not over your ex, I am not interested!! These guys are lonely and just want a warm body to jump into bed with. They don’t care about you, just them.

See, online dating makes you less empathetic. Almost have to take a break just to avoid becoming a cold-hearted bitch…

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Survived Christmas

Yesterday was the first Christmas without my dad. It did not feel like Christmas, at all.

On Christmas eve, my daughter was with ex. I tried to keep my mind busy with social media – horrible idea. I cried so much. Christmas morning I cried even more.

Ex brought my daughter home on time – a Christmas miracle.

She’d forgot her memorial necklace at girlfriend’s house. So, I had to drive her over there. This was the second time I’d ever been there. First time during the day. I am not impressed by the house. It looked even worse in the sunlight.

But, I still hate that ex gets a relationship and I am single.

I drove to my parents’ house. Almost got into a wreck. Another driver was texting and came into my lane of traffic. I swerved and they corrected themselves.

Christmas at my parents’ house just felt like any other day. That magic and Christmas spirit was gone. Christmas was dad’s favorite holiday.

We ate. Opened gifts. Visited. But, dad was missing.

We went to the cemetery. That was the first time I’d been there since the funeral. I really did not know what to expect. Tears? Anger? Joy?

I felt a calming over me at my dad’s grave. My daughter and I placed some more flowers – even though all of the flowers from the funeral were still there and looking amazing. We also placed a Santa Claus there for dad. We took pictures – all of us. I wished I lived closer so I could visit his grave more often…

We went to my grandfather’s house afterwards. He has stage 4 cancer. He doesn’t remember much. It was another obstacle of the day.

We got home and played a board game.

Then, almost bedtime and my daughter completely breaks down. She regrets not getting to tell my dad goodbye. Regrets not making her deviled eggs for him. She regrets not spending more time with him. She can’t remember his voice, or his laugh. She can’t remember too many memories of him.

I want her to grieve. I want her to keep my dad’s memory alive. But, I want her to be happy. I want to find the words to comfort her. The words are not there, because I share her regrets and feelings. I tried my best to comfort her. I told her stories of my dad. I told her to go ahead and talk to him; he is listening.

Believe in ghosts or not. My dad is around us. The other day, I went to the store and items fell of the shelves without anyone touching them. Multiple times. Then yesterday, middle child and I both see him walk through the kitchen.

Fighting Back Tears

The past couple of days has been difficult. Christmas is tomorrow and so everyone is talking about getting to see their loved ones. I just cry knowing I’m not going to see dad this Christmas.

My daughter and I bought some flowers and a Santa Claus to put on dad’s grave tomorrow. I fought back tears looking for something. He would love it.

My daughter made deviled eggs. A tradition that I passed down to her because my dad loved my deviled eggs so much.

I ordered some ornaments personalized with dad’s pictures online. They were supposed to be shipped to the store. They were supposed to be there this past week. I have been to the store twice, and they are still not there. The worker called headquarters. They came back with the information that either my stuff will be there the next day or never at all. I was so confused. I asked never? They said, no. It will be marked lost in transit. I fought back tears again. The permanent aspect of the situation and the coldness from the person was a bitter reminder of dad’s death. He is gone forever. People expect me to be over it and moved on. This was just another hurtful reminder of the situation.

Next hurtful event… I was chatting with mom, which we do talk a lot more now since dad’s death. But she told me there’s a man messaging her. I was a little taken back. What? I was a little upset. I mean, yes, eventually I do expect her to date and be happy. Maybe even get married. BUT, three weeks and already chatting with someone?!? I know loneliness and depression makes you do stupid things. Trust me, I have learned that lesson from my divorce. She thinks the guy is just being friendly. She said he has actually made a move.

James might not make the cut. The conversation continued yesterday, and I have to trust my gut. I ignored red flags with the serial cheater. I am not going to continue to ignored red flags. So, I guess I’m back to just seeing if anyone interesting comes along.

Finally, I went ahead and had Christmas with my kiddo yesterday. She opened all of her gifts. She was so excited. She goes back to ex’s for Christmas eve and then we have to go out of town for Christmas day. So, I figured having Christmas on Christmas eve eve would be a great idea.

Take the Picture

Christmas is less than two weeks away. Hard to believe, I know. This year is going to be insanely hard not having my dad here. I still can’t believe he is gone. I guess I still expect to get a text or a call from him. I expect to drive to my parents’ house for Christmas and see my dad sitting in his chair watching some educational program. I have to keep telling myself, and reminding myself that dad is gone.

Ironically, when I got divorced I told myself in five years I will be better off. Things will work out for the better. Well, it is five years down the road. I’m still single. Not even chatting with anyone. I still struggle with money. My ex is engaged. My dad is gone. My family is falling apart. Maybe next year will be better…

Last night I did something very difficult. I went through my photos, including watching the slideshow that played at my dad’s funeral. I cried the whole time. He was so happy in every picture. He loved life. I spent hours putting the pictures together into a photo book – I am having it printed online as a hardback full color book. It is sized 5×7 and has over 40 pages. Some pages have one picture. Some pages have seven pictures. I wanted all the pictures of my dad. I want more pictures, there would never be enough pictures…

I noticed a pattern over the years. In the beginning of my marriage, there were more family pictures. As my marriage started going down hill, there were less pictures of my family. My ex hated driving to our families houses. Then after my divorce, I lied to my family for two years. They didn’t know I was still sleeping with my ex. I didn’t know I was still wanting to be with him.

The past three years, I have struggled with money. My car has been a piece of shit. My dad’s health was getting worse. All of these factors made it where we seen each other less and less. I was only driving down maybe three to five times a year. They never drove up to see us. This year, 2018, was a horrible year. Things never worked out like they were supposed to. I don’t have a single picture of my dad from 2018 – that I took. There is not a single picture of my dad with me nor my daughter from 2018.

So, my words of advice: Take the picture.

I don’t care if you are fighting or upset. I don’t care if you just rolled out of bed. I don’t care if you suffer from depression and haven’t brushed your hair in three days. I don’t care if you want to lose weight.

Doesn’t matter!!

Take the picture. Be in the moment. Don’t take for granted that you will get to see your loved ones next week, next month, or even next year. Because you never know.

This year it is going to be hard to take the picture. There is going to be a missing piece, forever – my dad. I don’t know what drama the holiday will bring – drama within my family or drama with my ex.

But, bottom line is we’re going to have to continue on. We’re going to have to turn to each other for support. We’re going to have to live life like my dad lived his – happy, compassionate, and always smiling. He was always ready to take the picture.

Move On

I know death makes people nervous and they say stupid things.

It’s interesting, up until dad’s funeral, people were posting support and likes on pictures (not only my page, but on mom’s page. Some even posted on their pages). However, after Tuesday, it’s different. It’s almost like I get the message: You’ve had the funeral. You’ve mourned. It’s time to move on.

Since then, I have received no messages: Are you okay? Thinking of you.

Nothing.

That’s one amazing thing about the support group that I’ve found online. They get it!! There’s some that lost a parent fifteen years ago and will still have hard days.

I felt the need to call mom yesterday. I guess good timing. She was really upset. Yesterday was a hard day for all of us, I think. But I found out the guy was on Meth when he killed dad. He has been arrested two times in the past week, but he keeps getting out on bail. It is so hard not to have pure hatred for this guy. It’s hard not to say: THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LEARNED NOTHING! HE THINKS HE IS ABOVE THE LAW. HE WILL CONTINUE UNTIL HE KILLS SOMEONE ELSE.

I found a necklace that I ordered. I got it engraved (which was included in the price): It will say “Dad” and have the dates on it, and the back says “Always in my Heart.” (I wanted “Forever in my Heart” but it was one character too long).

Missing My Dad

I’m still in shock that he is gone. I haven’t really stopped crying. I forgot to eat for 24 hours. When I finally ate, I got so sick. I had my ex to help me tell our daughter. All three of us cried in the parking lot.

I took off work yesterday to go down to be with my mom and siblings. I went to get all the personal stuff out of the car. I threw up. I completely broke down seeing the sight of the car, and all his blood.

He was killed on impact. One driver hit him head on (police said this driver tested positive for drugs) and another driver (who was following way too close) ran into the back of the car. I’m glad he did not suffer.

I hate that Thanksgiving was the last time I will ever get to see my dad. And that visit wasn’t that good. I wish I could go back and hug him and tell him how much I love him.

People are asking me what they can do to help. I don’t know. I want my dad back. I want to talk to him again. I want a box of tissues and a hug from anyone, honestly!!

I am walking a fine line of how much do I allow myself to grief and how strong do I have to be for my daughter and the family. I forced myself to cook dinner last night. Neither of us ate more than a few bites. I almost wonder if it would be tacky if I asked all these people asking what they can do to help, if I asked them to bring food/dishes over that I could just heat in the microwave.

Christmas Event Invite

So, I got invited to a Christmas party. That has never happened in my life. I don’t get invited to things. I get overlooked and ignored.

A part of me wants to go. It does sounds fun. They go to dinner, have a gift exchange, and then do a scavenger hunt.

The other part of me is screaming “JUST SAY NO!” I won’t fit in. I won’t know anyone. What if I get stuck being alone? What if you’re suppose to bring a date?

Makes my anxiety start to make me panic thinking about the different reasons I should turn down the invitation.

The person that invited me is a single mom, too. She is divorced with three kids. She is not dating anyone right now. So, that information alone leads me to believe it will be okay showing up without a date. A gift would not be hard. I can go to the dollar tree and pick up some items easily. I don’t like eating in front of people. But I really doubt anyone would judge me for eating. They will all be eating. Plus, its a Mexican restaurant. So, everyone will be eating and chatting, in this energetic atmosphere. Not sure how the scavenger hunt will work. I fear it will be like being picked for playground games. But, if I go then I will be out of the house. Maybe make a new friend. Maybe meet a guy. I don’t know.

Thanksgiving Week

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

This week has been busy for me. My daughter didn’t have to go to school on Tuesday, since she’d scored so well on exams. So, we’d planned on going to the movies – on Tuesday’s during the day movies are only $5 (so $3 cheaper than they normally are) and you get free popcorn. I still had to work on Tuesday, plus I started my new job on Monday. Lots of work. I met the deadline – a day ahead of schedule, yay. The new job is going to be challenging, but I really think I’m going to love it. It is as a content writer. Actually, if this new job works out like I’m hoping it will, my plan is to quit the one job. The one that seems to always involve technical issues. If you are late then you get fined $20. My internet at the house is not good enough for the job, so I have to drive to another location. So, I think if the content writer job pans out then it would make sense for me to quit this job. That would help save some gas, plus I would get more sleep and not be spread so thin. I’ll continue to think about it. May also wait another six months – extra money would be wonderful, and I could try build my savings and checking accounts back up. You’re supposed to have enough saved up to live on for 3-6 months. I used to have that, then everything kept happening and I kept having to replace appliances or parts on the car. Always something. That is what is worrying me right now, I have money in my account – so I’m questioning myself: What bill did I not pay? Why do I have money in my account? (It’s so rare.)

My daughter did some volunteer work this week. It was wonderful seeing her do that.

I had a “first experience” this week: I hit a deer with my car. I was on my way into work. Of course, the one morning my daughter is in the car with me, I hit a deer. It was 3am and there were three deer in the road. I seen the first one and missed it. Then the other two ran into the road. I tried to dodge them, which my reaction did keep the deer from completely rolling over my car. Instead of hitting it right in the middle of the car, I caught it with the front corner. As soon as I hit it, my daughter started crying. It had hit on her side. I was worried she was injured. No, she was upset that I killed a deer. Luckily the damage is barely anything. The front next to the headlight is caved in. Some dings and dents and missing paint on the front bumper and my door – where the hooves hit. I talked to my insurance. I have a $250 deductible. Yikes. I found a guy that can fix it for $65. Yay!

This morning, driving on the same road at the same time – and my daughter in the car again – I was so worried I would see another deer. No, guess deer avoid roads on black Friday. Works for me!!

My daughter asked if I told ex about hitting a deer, I said “no.” Here’s the thing: If it had been worse – if one of us had been injured or if my car was not drive-able, then yes I would have told ex. Other than that, it is none of his business. He is not going to help pay for the damages, so why tell him? I told her she could tell him about it if she wanted to, I didn’t care. She chose not to tell him either, which she’ll be back with him for a couple of days she might change her mind.

Apparently, girlfriend does not cook. When we (ex and I) were together, I would cook us a Thanksgiving meal – we could eat on leftovers forever – and we would go to both families to have Thanksgiving – the families did not like each other, so we never had a holiday where we did not have to split between the two families (guess just preparing for the divorce. ha-ha). But since ex has been with her, for Thanksgiving they go to the mountain – where he popped the question – and pay for a meal at the lodge; $20 a person. Yikes! Oh well, I guess. As long as he still has money to support our daughter, I don’t care where else his money goes. But my daughter sent me a video of the ring – my little spy. lol. The ring is stupidly big. I knew it would be. But what I loved was in the video – my daughter took the video while in the car so no one would notice – ex and girlfriend were kind of “holding hands.” Ex just had his hand laying there. Girlfriend had hers just laying on top of his. Does anyone watch “Everybody Loves Raymond”? You know the episode where they’re talking about his hand holding is like holding a dead fish? That’s what it reminded me of. I remember holding hands with ex. When our relationship was new, we actually did hold hands. There was effort from both of us. We played and teased with our fingers. Then it did turn into his hand was just plopped there, no effort. Yeah. Not jealous. I want the relationship where there is effort. The teasing and playing. I want to be the cute, little elderly couple that still hold hands.

Anyway, so how Thanksgiving works since our divorce: ex takes all of them to the lodge and then we meet up and I head to see my family. Ex was late yesterday – nothing new, but still annoying. My daughter was so excited to see me. I got to hear about all the pie she ate at the lodge.

We got to my parents’ house and it was the typical situation it always is. My folks didn’t talk to me nor my daughter. My mom played sick the entire time (and I know what you are thinking – maybe she really was sick. Doubt it. That is how she behaves EVERY TIME I’m there). So, my dad focused on her the whole time. She laid on the couch. So, there was no place to sit (their living room has one chair and one couch, and the chair is dad’s chair). I figured they would ask about my new job; what happened to my car; how’s life; SOMETHING!!! No. I tried to talk to them. I got dismissed. Forget it. So, the kids and grandkids went to another room and played video games. I am so proud of my daughter though. Her personality shined through. She did not let them discourage her. She kept the same energy and was herself the whole time.

Honestly, I don’t know why I bother with going to their house. I only go maybe 3-5 times a year (usually Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and if something else comes up). You would think they would be more willing to visit with us while we are there since it is so rare. Oh well, guess I will make the trip next month and then not have to worry about it for a few more months.

Sad those are my feelings about visiting family – especially with the holidays right here. But, seriously, that is the reason I deal with so many mental issues. That is the reason I felt I did not deserve better with ex or anyone else. Any attention was wonderful – positive or negative; attention is attention.

I refuse to make my daughter feel that way!

Ever since the divorce, I have always taken my daughter to the movies on Thanksgiving. So, lucky kid got to go to the movies three times this week (twice with me, and ex took all of them to the movies).

She started crying last night because she did not want to go back to ex and girlfriend today. I hate that! I would love to have her 24/7. But, I have to be the good parent. I tried to think of positive things about her going over there.

She asked me to talk to ex if he would bring her back on Saturday evening instead of Sunday morning.

…Shit…

Wonder how he is going to respond to that request…

I did get to do something awesome at work – the photography job – the other day. Had a man bring in a picture of his mother that was photographed in Germany during the war. Beautiful picture. Dramatic lighting. He wanted to recreate the picture – the lighting and everything. It was a fun shoot. I was in love with the lighting and effects. This man – probably in his 70’s – posed like you would not believe. I did not have to say “look this way” or “turn like this,” he posed. Pose after pose after pose. It was fun.

So, online dating: I actually started talking to someone again. Nothing to really report, yet. His pictures are okay looking. He hasn’t been a complete ass, yet. We’ll see what happens. Not having really high hopes, but it is nice to chat with someone.

My mom both something on social media the other day about wanting more grandchildren. Yeah, I would love to have another child. BUT I am not raising a child alone. I want to find a great man.

 

 

A Slight Break in the Darkness

Not going to lie, this week has been an emotional roller coaster. Ex proposing to girlfriend – even though I’ve expected it for years, I didn’t know how I’d handle it – has been a little rough. Tuesday, I was in tears. Left me feeling so confused and emotional. I started doing a little research – apparently, there are “stages” that one goes through in this situation. I looked through, and see it made more sense of how I’m feeling:

1. Shock. My shock was that he actually did it. I mean after being with her for – let’s pretend they’ve never broken up – four years. “Us” being done for three years. Him telling me he is never getting married again. Him talking so negatively about girlfriend. Yes, I was shocked. Monday, when I found out, I didn’t feel any emotions – I was actually numb. That was my shock.
2. Jealousy. Yes. Jealous she got a better proposal – I’m sure a nicer ring, haha. Jealous that he gets the “family” life and I am still fucking alone and single as hell. Jealous that ex’s life is moving forward and I feel stuck. Except it’s not like I’m stuck in concrete. I’m stuck in quicksand. I try to get out and I get pulled back down, deeper than before.
3. Anger. I am angry. I don’t who I’m angry at though. I’m hiding my sadness with anger. I went to work today and someone asked where my daughter was. I said with ex. They were very surprised because apparently they seen girlfriend’s “big announcement” on social media, and was surprised they would want my daughter around. WHAT?! FUCK YOU!! Apparently, my daughter didn’t even see girlfriend last night. Ex and girlfriend hid in the bedroom all evening. I’m angry that I have to send my daughter over there. Why can’t she stay with me? At least when I have her we visit or play games, something!! My daughter asks me each time if she has to go over there. It is so heartbreaking.
4. Relief. I am ready for this stage. Apparently in this stage you are relieved that you are no longer with ex. He is no longer your problem. I’m so afraid that I will not hit stage for weeks, months, or even years. I know it being the holidays is going to make this so much harder. I’m alone for the holidays. All I can do is cry. I tried talking to my mother about it, and she changed the subject. I tried talking to a friend about it, and she changed the subject – think because she seen I was fighting back tears. I mean, I get my ex is toxic. I GET THAT. So why am I not relieved that he is going to marry girlfriend?!? Because I am afraid he will no longer financially support our daughter. I suddenly feel like second best. I know I’m the one that filed for divorce. I know I’m the one that finally said “enough” when I found out ex was with me and girlfriend. So, why do I feel like I am trash? Why do I feel like I’m not good enough? Why do I feel like I did back during the divorce and after I stopped seeing ex three years ago? Why can’t I realize there is nothing wrong with me – it’s him. It’s always been him. NOT ME.
5. Strength. This stage talks about after being petty and angry; after all the emotional roller coaster is over you realize you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. This will be true – I know what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. However, as I’ve said so many times before, I’m tired of proving how strong I really am.
6. Appreciation. You’ll appreciation life and where you are in life.

Of course, depending on which site or article you read there are other stages, but these are the ones I came across the most.

Writing this has been through tear-blurred vision with some pauses for complete and utterly break-down, hard sobbing. I know ex is not good for me. I seen him today – he didn’t even acknowledge me – I looked at him and didn’t find him attractive. I was hurt that girlfriend’s youngest kid was wearing a shirt of ex’s that he’d given me back in high school. I hope my soul mate is out there. I just hate that I’m still alone. I was faithful to ex – he was the cheater. Why do I get punished for my faithfulness by still being single? Why is it the man that never wanted to get married again is now engaged? Why is it the man that never wanted more kids – especially daughters – because he didn’t want to deal with hormones is engaged to a woman with three daughters? Why is it the man I was married to was a workaholic during our marriage, now takes vacation days all of the time?

Online dating hasn’t really helped this week. I had a zombie appear. He is now blocked. I get getting busy and not replying for a few hours or even until the next day. BUT it has been 14 days. Boy, please. I know what happened. He found another chick and when that didn’t work out, or he got a piece of ass, and then decided to make sure I was still on the back burner. I am worth more than being some guy’s Plan B. *block*

Positive thing with work – I got a fourth job. I am so excited about this one. Great pay. Could really open some doors. It will probably be after the holidays before I get to sign my contract and everything, but I’m still very excited.

 

Happy Halloween

Yesterday, I felt so bad for my daughter. She is in Junior High. They have a lot of homework each night. It is difficult, at times – nothing like what I did in school. It is all on the computer, which I get that is how society is today but come on! My wifi doesn’t work. So, we went to a second location. That wifi would not stay connected to her computer. She asked if we could just go to the school and sit in the parking lot. I told her no because I did not want a cop knocking on my window wondering why I was sitting in the school parking lot at night for hours. Finally, found a location for her to do her homework with good internet connection. She was working on algebra. I looked up a website to kind of quickly teach myself how to do it so I could teach her how to do it. She was catching on really quickly. So, I stepped away – I wanted her to be able to do the problems by herself because at school she would have to do them alone (plus she was not able to ask any classmates because they had all copied off of each other and my daughter said she did not feel right copying work). She was on the school website answering math problems and then I noticed she started going back to previous problems and changing every one of her answers. Wait!! She said no, what I’d told her was wrong. Okay. She finished the assignment. Since it is online the computer grades it right away. The grade popped up on the screen – very low grade – and my daughter breaks into tears. My daughter is a straight A student – has been since kindergarten. She works very hard for her grades. I told her to review the problems – turned out what I’d taught her was correct, but when she second guessed it gave her the wrong answer. While, luckily the teacher gives two chances when working on assignments. I told my daughter to just ask the teacher to open her second chance and do the assignment again, since she knows how to do it. So, during class today she should be able to redo the assignment. She was very disappointed in herself and in the situation because today the class is going to have a Halloween party.

Ex is on vacation this week. I thought it was to finish packing up his house. Apparently, girlfriend took this week off too. So, they are just goofing off all week. My daughter invited ex to watch her at tumbling last night. He hesitated and said he had a lot of work to do at the house, but he would try to be there. He did come. We really did not speak to each other. He sat there and texted – I assume girlfriend. I did catch him more than once looking at me – kind of creeped me out. My daughter had school pictures, so I brought ex’s his copies of the pictures. He laid them on the floor. When he left – he left before we did – he was still glued to his phone. He left the pictures laying in the floor, which I did not even notice. It wasn’t until my daughter walked over and seen something under ex’s chair. So, I’m waiting to see how long it takes for him to realize he forgot the pictures.

So, Happy Halloween!

Halloween is defiantly my favorite holiday. If I had the money, my house would be decorated and I would create a haunted house. I would make everything over the top. Well, I don’t have money so I just enjoy the spirit of the holiday.

In the past, trick or treating consisted of ex sitting in the car and my daughter and I going to the houses. After girlfriend entered the picture, it was her and her kids that ex would sit in the car and wait for.

The first Halloween that they were officially together was hard for me. It was technically ex’s day. I wanted to tag along. I did not want to miss out on my daughter trick or treating – they grow out of it so fast. I walked with girlfriend’s kids and my daughter while ex and girlfriend walked behind me. Girlfriend was dressed like a “sexy nerd” and had insane high heels. How I managed to keep from busting out laughing when she tripped in her heels on the sidewalk, I don’t know. The past couple of years, girlfriend hasn’t gone trick or treating with us any more. She will send her youngest with ex. Ex and that kid will trick or treat with my daughter and me. Then quickly after, ex will have to leave to go pick up another one of girlfriend’s kids.

The first year – two years ago – I was shocked that ex would quickly leave us and never even call or text to make sure we were okay or at least to make sure we made it home safely. Last year, I didn’t even bother with ex. He did meet up with us for maybe thirty minutes, but that was all.

This year is going to be bittersweet. My daughter is too old for trick or treating – her word, not mine. ha-ha. I told her it was up to her. I would take her trick or treating or we could just buy some candy and watch scary movies. So, today we are starting a new tradition – scary movie night to celebrate Halloween. She did dress up for school. She even asked if we could do a photo shoot after school of her in her costume and makeup.

I’m going to miss taking her trick or treating, but watching movies and having fun at home is going to be wonderful.