I took Saturday off this past weekend. I had planned on sleeping – THE ENTIRE DAY – I need sleep! Well, ex brought my daughter home at 8:15am on Saturday. Okay, I got a few extra hours of sleep. I spent the day helping her with homework, watching her cheer, playing board games with her, and watching movies with her. It was a fun day.
Well, ex picked her up about 8:30pm Saturday night. I figured he would keep her until late on Sunday. SOOOO… new plan: work Sunday morning and then sleep all day Sunday afternoon.
Sounded like an awesome plan!
Well, Sunday morning: I go to work. Earn some money. Get home at 11am. Grab me something to eat. Crawl into bed around 11:30am. YAY, SLEEP!
12:45pm – My phone starts ringing. It is my daughter. I of course answer it – not sure why she is calling me.
her: Hi Mom, are you home?
her: Okay, we’re coming over.
me: What?!? Why??
her: Dad wants to bring some stuff over.
We hang up…
Ex comes over. I mean he has already brought a lot of my belongings over. WHAT MORE COULD BE IN HIS HOUSE THAT BELONGS TO ME?!?!
Okay… He brings a shelf, art supplies, and books.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! This could not wait until he brought my daughter home later in the day. He has to be this stuff to me right then?
So, I must have looked as rough as I felt. I greeted ex and my daughter outside. Both of them almost at the same time asked: Are you sick?
Nope. Just trying to sleep…
Well, ex makes a comment about there might be more of my stuff at his house. He said I could have a couple of items, but I would have to go to his house to get them. Fine, fine.
So, I drive over there. We have to walk around the entire house – he was trying to get rid of anything and everything he could. His house is a two-story house – it’s roomy. I live in a single wide trailer. I can’t fit much into my house. So, yes, I would love to hold onto all of my memories of my daughter’s old toys or clothes. It’s not possible.
He tried giving me his Christmas tree – I have a Christmas tree.
It’s like why are you getting rid of everything?
He said because there is no room at girlfriend’s house.
Then why move in there?
Because she asked me to.
Just keep our daughter in mind.
I am. She’s excited.
**I call bullshit**
Later, apparently he tells our daughter that he is not getting rid of things like the Christmas tree. Seriously?!? What game is he trying to play? I’m not stupid. Neither is my kid. We both talk to each other. We know when he is lying and trying to play us.
Apparently, he told my daughter to ask me if I would let him have her sometime during this week so they could continue to clean and pack – he took this week off for vacation. Uhh… he is a grown ass man. He can ask me himself. I’m not a bad ex wife – he is actually very lucky. I could make his life hell if I wanted to.
But, he is not worth that drama or energy.
Really, what would I achieve out of making his life hell?
Being bitter. Being a horrible role model for my daughter.
Besides, it’s not in my personality.
This morning, I seen a post asking if any other women had gave up on dating men and decided to start to date women.
So many of the comments were “EWW” “Hell no!”
Talk about closed-minded and hurtful reactions. I’m pretty sure the person that posted was meaning for it to be a joke – not a funny joke. Besides, can’t just switch sides because you want to.
I am attracted to women. I remember being attracted to girls before I was attracted to guys – talk about being in a state of confusion. I’m trying to raise my daughter to be open minded. I think I’m doing a good job. She’ll see a same sex couple kiss or hold hands and she’ll say “aww.”
Another post was about starting online dating, but having fears. She talked about being a mom and having a body to prove it. She talked about being afraid no one would like her or she would go on a date with a serial killer.
That is why I put a lot of my personal experiences up here. I want people to see: 1. they are not alone in how they feel; 2. hopefully learn from my mistakes; 3. I heal and move on.
Of course, the healing aspect is slowly happening. But let’s face it, I could – and would – heal even if my blog was private. The learning from my mistakes – I post some personal things on here – personal and sometimes embarrassing. So, hopefully others will take words of advice. For example, the red flags while online dating.
I know we all think we will not make those mistakes, but it happens. For example, I know to have safe sex. I know this! BUT… I have had unprotected sex with a stranger – someone I met online and knew for less than two weeks. DO NOT DO THAT. ha-ha.
I know what red flags to watch for when chatting, yet I ignored them and fell in love with a serial cheater.
So, my words of advice for online dating:
Make a profile. Put recent pictures of yourself. Do not post pictures of your children. List some interests you have. List what you are looking for – fwb, relationship, dating.
Do not give anyone your number. Use texting apps instead. kik is my favorite. You can text, send pictures, and video chat. It is easy to block. I realize there is a dating site for kik – this includes a lot of married individuals. I have never visited the site, but I do find the app very useful.
If you have a bad feeling about someone then block them. Trust your gut.
Watch for red flags!! Seen one woman post screenshots for advice – a guy after only one day of chatting together was calling her “babe” and was wanting to cuddle. THAT IS A RED FLAG — RUN!
Realize online dating is a brutal game. If you are chatting with someone, they are probably chatting with others. Hence, just because you are chatting or even causally dating, does not mean you are in a relationship. I’ve seen women freak out because the guy would not message them on a Friday night after they had been chatting for a week – he was probably on a date. It happens.
Another red flag, if they tell you that you are not allowed to chat with other men while you are chatting with them – RUN! I had one tell me that I was not allowed to chat with any men nor have any male friends. EXCUSE ME? Boy, please. **block**
When you get on the dating sites, there are going to be so many messages. It is natural. You can search for new users and they all smell fresh meat. Just block and keep going.
I do not care if you are depressed or the most out going, ray of sunshine on the planet do not let them see your weakness – they will take that opportunity and run with it. They will find someone who is depressed, lower self-esteem call them beautiful and take advantage of them.
If they only want pictures or talk about your body – block them.
I know, most of this as you are reading through may think: of course, I know this stuff.
It’s different living it. Especially if you’re coming out of a hard divorce/breakup. The attention from someone feels great. You let common sense slip. You let your emotions cloud your mind and your logic.
Trust me, I’ve been there.