Some positivity before I start this post.
Well, maybe positivity. Might be complete stupidity… haha.
I am chatting with a guy. Eeek.
His pictures are attractive as hell!
He is about 40 minutes away. My dating awkwardness hasn’t chased him off – yet. (give it a couple of days. haha)
The kicker… He is six years younger…. He is still in his twenties!!
That scares the hell out of me. A younger guy?!? I’ve had horrible luck with younger guys… well, and older guys… okay, okay… I’ve had horrible luck with guys in general.
I thought the night before last was dramatic…. Well, yesterday was a mess.
Yesterday after school, I received a text from my daughter. She tells me she was late to school. The principal seen her and told her she had fifteen seconds before the bell so she had permission to run in the hall. She was late to first hour, but he did not sign her tardy slip because she did not have another other tardies yet.
I told her I was glad she didn’t get a tardy. Of course, I asked her why was she late? (I’m a mom. That’s what mom’s do, right?)
Apparently, she was late because ex wanted to go out to eat breakfast.
Ummm… Okay. He know what time school starts. He should have planned his morning better.
I asked her if she told him that she was late. (I mean, seriously, Fridays are his days to get her to school. He needs to be responsible and get her there on time). She said she did tell him and he said “school isn’t important.”
I asked her if those were his actual words – or did she paraphrase? misunderstand? She said no, that is what he really said.
Great… I am going to have to address this….
Just so happened ex texts me then. He said that I was about to get a call.
Umm… Is this a threat? Who is going to be calling me?
I call him. I asked him if she was late – didn’t ask why. He said he didn’t know this school’s time schedule was different than her last school.
She’s been going to school, at this school, since August…
I told him it is his responsibility to get her to school on time. He’s like “would you yell at her if she was tardy?” I said if it was her fault she was tardy then yes, I would talk to her. But, it was HIS fault, so I was going to talk to HIM.
He said he knew the school’s time schedule now.
So, I asked who was going to be calling me.
He is selling his house. The paperwork is being drawn up. (SO WHAT?!?) He said I need to go in and sign the quitclaims deed. (Uh, no I don’t. We did this FIVE years ago!) He said that’s just what the woman told him. So a woman was going to call me and tell me the same thing.
Okay. So I wait for this mystery woman to call.
She calls. Totally butchers my legal name – annoying. Said my ex was selling his property and I needed to sign the quitclaims deed to the property. (I did five years ago). I have that paperwork in front of me. You did sign, but you were still married so you are still on it – listed as ex and “married person.” (I’m confused. I signed it, but it didn’t count?) Basically. (So, what was the point of signing? I have responsibility to the house now?) No, I already have the payoff for the house and I sent that. (Sounds like I’m entitled to some of the profit of ex selling). I’m not sure about that. (Look, I’m not a bad ex-wife. I have no interest in being a pain. What do you need me to do?) Come in and sign the paperwork next week. (Okay. While I have you on the phone… He is on my paperwork since I bought the house while we were married. How much will it cost to remove him and get him to sign a quitclaims deed) Forty-five dollars. (Jeez!)
Our conversation continued. I was on the phone with the woman for about twenty minutes. I got what information I needed.
I called ex, again.
I explained to him the situation – because he didn’t ask any questions when the woman called him. I told him about signing the quitclaims deed for my house. He argued that he wasn’t on my paperwork – yes, I bought the house while we were still legally married. That is why I told him he better not take my house – that’s why I have said to him since day one that he better not try to take my house (I knew he could if he really wanted to).
I told him how much it was going to cost. He cussed. Didn’t understand why so much, because his was “free.”
Umm… No, yours is not “free.” It is included in the fees of them buying the house.
He said he would pay the $45 if I would get them to draw up the paperwork for my house.
So, I asked him where was he moving to – he needs a plan – because they are closing on the 19th.
Apparently he is moving in with girlfriend.
***I need strength.***
Yes. Why not?
Are you thinking about our daughter? Is she going to have her own room?
Yes, of course.
Okay. Because I really hope you are doing what is best for her. I get tired of her crying every time you bring her back because she hates it over there at girlfriend’s.
Well, I have to listen to her cry about you all the time too.
Yeah, you always yell at her and bitch at her about everything.
Okay. Whatever. Find your paperwork and make sure you didn’t refinance while we were still married. Bye.
Okay. I do not yell at my daughter. I am tough at times – I expect her to do her homework. I expect her to be responsible. She is about to turn thirteen – thirteen-year-olds are tough to raise. There are hormones and attitudes. Then you add being a child of divorce. YIKES.
So, I message my daughter. Ask her if she really feels like I yell at her all the time. She said she NEVER said that. I said, okay. If she does feel that way then we can sit down and talk. She said she doesn’t feel that way. What she said was that I was going to yell at her for being late to school that way he will make sure to get her to school on time from now on.
She is afraid of him. She is using me as a shield.
Okay, no problem.
He is gas-lighting the situation. He knows I’m right. He knows he is a bad father. He knows he is thinking with his penis, not his brain when he says he is moving in with girlfriend. So, he knows how to hurt me – turn my daughter against me. Make me think I am a bad mom.
Not today, dude.
I’m not getting into a fight. He can say whatever. I’m stepping away from the conversation.
I need someone to talk to. I want to vent. I want to cry. I want to have a distraction.
I call my parents.
So, my one sibling – the middle child – apparently lost their license, got the new car impounded, lost insurance, got arrested, and threatened suicide – all this week.
My mom tells me about all of it…
So, she asks about me. I tell her what was going on.
She says that there should be something in the paperwork saying he can’t move in with girlfriend. I said, it just says he needs a residence – once he gets mail at girlfriend’s the law is going to see that as his residency.
(I was stupid going into my divorce. I was uneducated. I did not fight. There is nothing against overnight guest. Nothing about they have to be married before living together. Nothing about first right of refusal. Nothing about having child support reviewed every so many years. Nothing addressing when our daughter turns 16 (car or insurance). Nothing addressing college.)
**I did realize that he is breaking court order by taking her out of state!** I don’t know if I should do anything with that information. (My mom said she knows of four times). I know…
If he would just tell me that he is taking my daughter out of state then it would be a different story – get the court to sign off on it. Great.
Does that mean I will get my daughter more? Does that mean I have to hire a lawyer and take him to court?
Realistically, I know there’s nothing I can do about him moving in with girlfriend. (I still do not know where she lives). I know there is going to be drama. I know he is going to be a thorn in my side.
I just want to do what is best for my child.
I just want to lose my hate, my bitterness…
I do not love him. But I am still hurt. I am hurt by the entire situation.
I want to heal, but I don’t know how. I don’t know if I am healing.