I go on Facebook daily, most days. May spend a few minutes skimming through my news feed. Occasionally there will be interesting postings. Some I just have to scroll past without liking or making a comment. Then there’s the one’s that actually cut deep into a wound that is trying to heal.
The posts and pictures of my friends getting married, celebrating anniversaries, and being pregnant.
When I was married, my ex-husband did not have Facebook. My mom is actually the one who talked me into joining the social media site. Since he didn’t have Facebook, I didn’t post pictures of us or our daughter because there was no one to tag. I was still being protective of my daughter, so I didn’t post pictures of her in the beginning. (Now, that is all that covers my wall are photos and posts of her, when I do post.) I did post occasionally of my ex, but I didn’t air my dirty laundry on there. Plus, I didn’t have a cell phone or even a digital camera; so, it was more of a hassle posting at all at first.
Ex finally joined Facebook because a chick he was trying to sleep with talked him into it. That caused a fight between us because I did not have my relationship status as “married” – I didn’t have my relationship status filled out. I figured people that were Facebook friends knew I was married. I wasn’t looking for anyone else; so why did I have to advertise that I was married?
Anyway, I was scrolling through my news feed. I am happy for them. I seen a couple of friends celebrating 15 years of marriage. I seen another friend celebrating her first year of marriage of her second marriage. I seen a few pregnancy announcements. I one that really broke through was a video of her – she is pregnant, due in a month – and she was showing the baby kicking.
I had to fight back tears. Nothing against her, or anyone else, but pain that I may not get to experience these “Facebook worthy” moments ever again was a little too much right then.