Happy New Year!

Wow! I walked away from this blog back in August 2020. Wasn’t that I “planned” on not continuing writing. Life was so busy. I was working multiple jobs and I did not have the energy to sit at the computer to put my thoughts on the screen.

So, what has happened in my life the past two years?

We got through the stress of social distancing and adjusting to the chaos. I stopped bothering with online dating. My mental health was struggling so much – I had to walk away. My mother started dating a guy. I’ve met him twice. The first time I met him he told me what a standup character my ex-husband is…

The year 2021: I don’t remember much from that entire year. I worked, a lot. My daughter started driving. I had to protest parole from the guy that killed my dad.

Brings us to 2022: The year started so amazingly and then December hit me full force.

The beginning of the year I was promoted to a supervisor position and an interviewer position. I loved it! I was still working multiple jobs and wearing several hats, but I was doing what I needed to in order to survive. In June, I found out the part of the company I was with was dissolving. I pivoted to a new position within the company. I was coaching new hires. I was so happy. I loved my job. The pay was good – in fact, I was able to quit all my other jobs. My mental health was amazing. I was actually starting to work out and try to be more active. (In the back of my mind, I feared it all ending – I assumed it was just my anxiety doing what anxiety does).

December 2022: The month started like any other month. Then the second week of the month, the company announced a massive company wide layoff. I found out I was included in that layoff. I cannot describe how I felt at that moment. I had been with the company for six years. It was now my only source of income. I was sad, angry, bitter, confused… I learned the person who decided who got to stay and those laid-off had only been with the company for less than a year. I was able to finish the month with the company for one more paycheck. I started putting in so many applications. Rough timing because everyone was getting ready for winter vacation. I have signed a contract for a part-time position, but I need additional jobs just to survive. My onboarding for that position should begin this week when everyone returns back to the office. I figure within the next week or so, I will hear more – good and bad – from all the applications I’ve put in during the month. I received communication that the guy that killed dad is up for parole again. I quickly sent in another protest letter for his parole. That same day, my mother texts me to tell me she has a mass in her lung. Our relationship is horrible. I haven’t seen her in over a year. There’s occasional texts/calls. She did send me a picture of the ring her boyfriend gave her.

Hoping that was all the month of December could hit me with, no, I was wrong. Since October 2022, my daughter has been experiencing joint issues. It started with a single knee. I’ve taken her to the doctor multiple times. She’s been referred to an ortho specialist. She’s had x-rays, MRIs, and lab work done over the past few months. A few days ago, the doctor’s office calls me to tell me the diagnosis. My daughter has a rare autoimmune disease. It only impacts about 5% of the population. I’ve cried a lot. I’ve worried about my child and what her future is going to look like. I called my mother to tell her. Her response enraged me. She was not concerned. She made a comment like “least you found out” and then turned the conversation to about her and her boyfriend. Oh, and she asked if I’d started thinking about putting in job applications yet. I was beyond frustrated at that point. I found an online support group. I did get a small sense of relief from the group. We go back this week to the doctor. I know more tests have to be completed. I not sure everything with will happen in that appointment, but I know an EKG and an Echo will have to be done on my daughter. What research I’ve done so far, it looks like heart monitoring every few years for the rest of her life. She will also have to go in for shots every month or so. I know my daughter is strong. I hope I am strong enough for this new normal.


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