Feeling Odd

Don’t know how to explain it other than: I feel unmotivated. I feel lost. I feel unwanted. I feel like I am failing.

I know it is stress, and probably a little depression.

I use music to help mentally. I was in the mood for something heavy. I could not find a song to satisfy me. I even listened to a specific death metal band – on a normal day, I would not be able to listen to because I can not understand the lyrics and they give me a horrible headache. This time, no. The lyrics were clear. They were not heavy enough for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of death metal, and black metal – but this certain band I CANNOT STAND, but this time they were tame.

Online dating for the past few days, has been a complete joke. Pervs, sugar daddy’s, married men, and absolute losers are all that message. I really wonder if there is a good guy online – single, intelligent, good heart, great father, has a career.

I’ve become a tad addicted to painting here lately. I am getting better. I know if I had fine tip brushes or paint pens my lines and details would be even more amazing. I also know if I had access to rocks about palm size or larger, I would be able to do incredible images. My daughter thinks I should try selling them. I am really considering it. I have some great ideas. I don’t know if anyone would buy. I see painted rocks for sell online, so I assume there is a market for them. Then it’s the issue of coming up with the supplies – rocks, packaging, etc.

I will continue to practice and perfect my skills. I will continue to save and attempt to sell them. I think it is a good, healthy hobby. My daughter also paints with me – she is amazing. Her rocks are beautiful. She actually steals the largest rocks to paint for herself – haha.


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